喜欢计算生活中琐事花费的时间，喜欢通过计算和比较来督促自己，力图达到生活的平衡，可是生活远非数学方程式那么简单。偶然一次，陪伴女儿时我忘记了时间。随后，我开始刻意不去计较时间。渐渐地，内心的焦虑被平静所取代……
Idon’tcount. Thatis, Idon’tcountstuff. Iusedtocountstuffalot: thenumberofFrenchfriesIstoleoffmyhusband’splateatanygivendinnerandtheamountoftimeI’dneedtospendonthetreadmilltomakeupforitthenextday; thesquarefootageofafriend’sapartment (itslikelypurchaseprice, myhost’spresumedsalary, andthusthedifferencebetweenhersandmine); and, especiallywhenmykidswerebabies, theminutes/hoursbetweenthetimemyhusbandsaidhewouldcomehomeandrescuemeandtheactualmomentwhenhesaunteredthroughthedoor.[1] Icountedinordertokeeptrackofmydeficienciesandaccomplishmentsandthencalculatethemagicnumberthatwouldhelpmereachaparticulargoal. Icountedasawayoflife. ButforthemostpartI’vestoppedallthat. AndwhileI’mnotabigbelieverinmuchofanything, Iwouldsaythatnotcountinghassavedmylife.
Asapreternaturallyanxiousperson, perhapsIwasborntotally.[2] Iwasalsoacommitteddancerthroughoutmyteens, andlikealotofpeoplestudyingballet, IcountedthenumberofclassesItookafterschoolandonweekends. Iberated[3] myselfifIfellbelowsixperweek. Ialsocountedfouetté turnsandmeasuredtheheightofmygrandsbattements.[4]
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