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Friends老友记 Episode 313:TheOneWhereMonicaandRichardAreFriends
TheOneWhereMonicaandRichardAreFriends
[Scene:AVideoStore, Monicaisrunningintoreturnavideo.]
Monica: (toclerk) Hi.
(Theclerkentersthevideointothecomputer.)
Clerk:Sixdollars, please.
Monica:Six? Ijusthaditforonenight. It抯 three.
Clerk:Eighto抍lockisthecut-offand, (looksathiswatch) aww, it抯 8:02.
Monica:Y'knowinaweirdway, youhavetoomuchpower. Look, you抮egonnahavetohelpmeouthere, 慶auseIonlyhavethree.
Richard: (standingbehindher, withouthismoustache) Icanhelpwiththat.
Monica:OhmyGod. Richard? (turnsaround) Hi!
Richard:Hi!
Monica:Wow! Yourlipwentbald. (Richardpaystheclerk) Hey, thanks.
Richard:So, youlookgreat.
Monica:Right.
Richard:Noyoudo. You... just...
Monica:What?
Richard:You抳egotpantiesstucktoyourleg.
Monica: (removesthem) That抯 becauseI-Iwasjustgrabbingsomethingsoutofthedryer, andit抯 staticcling. Ormaybeit抯 justthatGodknewI抎 berunningintoyouandsawanopportunity.
Richard:It抯 goodtoseeyou.
Monica:It抯 goodtoseeyoutoo.
(Theyhug, andRichardnoticesastockingstucktoMonica抯 back, whichheremovesforher.)
OPENINGCREDITS
[Scene:continuedfromearlier.]
Monica:Youseethatguy? He抯 inclassicsnow, buty'knowassoonasweleavehe抯 goingstraighttotheporn.
Richard:He抯 gonnagouptothecounterwithCitizenKane, Vertigo, andClockworkOrgy. (theybothlaugh) Thisisnice.
Monica:Yeah.
Richard:Imissedthis.
Monica:Metoo.
Richard:So, youwannagetahamburgerorsomething?
Monica:Oh, um, Idon抰 knowifthat抯 agoodidea.
Richard:Oh. Look, justfriends, Iwon抰 gropeyou. Ipromise.
Monica:No, IjustIthinkthatit抯 toosoon.
Richard:Noit抯 nottoosoon, Ihadlunchataeleven.
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, andRachelareeatingbreakfast. ChandlerisholdingabottleofHersey抯 Syrup.]
Chandler:Yeah, baby!
Ross:Whatareyoudoing?
Chandler:Makingchocolatemilk. Doyouwantsome?
Ross:Nothanks. I抦 29.
Rachel: (lookingatherwatch) OhmyGod, Igottagotowork!
Ross:Ohsweetie, whendoyouthinkyou抮egoingtogetofftonight?
Rachel:OhIdon抰 knowhoney. It抯 gonnabereallylate.
Ross:Ohcomeon, notagain.
Rachel:Iknow. I抦 sorry. Look, I抣lmakeadealwithyouallright? Okay?
Ross:Hmm.
Rachel:Foreverynightthatyou抮easleepbeforeIgethomefromwork...
Ross:Yeah.
Rachel:Iwillwakeyouupinawaythat抯 provedverypopularinthepast.
Ross:Now, ifyouneedtostaylate, Iwanttobesupportiveofthat.
Rachel:Right.
Phoebe: (entering, holdingapairofRollerBlades) Hi.
All:Hey.
Joey: (toPhoebe) Lookatyou. Sincewhendoyourollerblade?
Phoebe:Oh! Sincetomorrow. Imetthisreallycuteguyintheparkandhelikey'know, jogs, andblades, andswims, andsoy'knowwemadeadealthat抯 he抯 goingtoteachmeallsortsofjockstuff.
Ross:Andwhatareyougoingtodoforhim?
Phoebe:I抦 goingtolethim.
Ross:Okay.
Joey:Cool.
Monica: (enteringfromherbedroom) Morning.
All:Hey.
Rachel:Somebodygotinlatelastnight.
Monica:Yeahwell, IranintoRichard.
(Theyallgasp)
Rachel:Whendidthishappen?
Monica:Oh, um, around 8:02. Weah, talkedforalittlewhile, andthenum, wewentoutforaninnocentburger.
Phoebe:Oh, there抯 nosuchthingasaninnocentburger.
Ross:So, areyougonnaseehimagain?
Monica:Tomorrownight.
Rachel:Monica, whatareyoudoing?
Chandler:Well, shespentthelastsixmonthsgettingoverhim, andnowshe抯 celebratingthatbygoingonadatewithhim.
Monica:It抯 notadate, okay. I抦 justgonnateachhimhowtomakelasagneforsomepotluckdinnerhehas.
Joey:Well, youmightwannamakealittleextra, y'knowyou抣lprobablybehungryafterthesex.
Monica:We抮enotgonnahavesex! Okay, nothing抯 changedhere. Hestilldoesn抰 wantchildrenandIstilldo, sothat抯 whywe抮ejustgonnabefriends.
Ross:Nakedfriends.
[Scene:ChandlerandJoey's, JoeyiswatchingTV.]
Rachel: (entering) Hey.
Joey:Hey.
Rachel:Doyouhaveanyice?
Joey:Checkthefreezer. Ifthere抯 noneinthere, thenwe抮eprobablyout. Areyoujustgettinginfromwork? It抯 late.
Rachel:Yeah, Iknow. Ihadthegreatestdaythough, IgottositinonthemeetingwiththerepsfromCalvinKlien. ItoldmybossIlikedthislineoflingerie, sheorderedatonofit. Howwasyourday?
Joey:IdiscoveredI抦 abletocountallofmyteethusingjustmytongue.
Rachel:Hmm. (sheopensthefreezer) Umm, whydoyouhaveacopyofTheShininginyourfreezer?
Joey:Oh, Iwasreadingitlastnight, andIgotscared, so.
Rachel:Butah, you抮esafefromitifit抯 inthefreezer?
Joey:Well, safer. Y'know, ImeanIneverstartreadingTheShining, withoutmakingsurewe抳egotplentyofroominthefreezer, y'know.
Rachel:Howoftendoyoureadit?
Joey:Haven抰 youeverreadthesamebookoverandoveragain?
Rachel:Well, umm, IguessIreadLittleWomenmorethanonce. ButImeanthat抯 aclassic, what抯 sogreataboutTheShining?
Joey:ThequestionshouldbeRach, whatisnotsogreataboutTheShining. Okay? Andtheanswerwouldbe: nothing. Allright? Thisislikethescariestbookever. Ibetit抯 waybetterthanthatclassicofyours.
Rachel:Okay. Ah, wellwe抣ljustseeaboutthat, okay. IwillreadTheShining, (shetriestotakethebookawayfromhimbuthedoesn抰 wanttoletitgo) andyouwillreadLittleWomen.
Joey:Allright, yougotit.
Rachel:Allright.
Joey:Okay.
Rachel:Okay.
Joey:Ah, nowRach, theseah, theselittlewomen.
Rachel:Yeah.
Joey:Howlittlearethey? Imean, aretheylikescarylittle?
[Scene:CentralPerk, ChandlerandRossarethere, PhoebeisenteringwithherdateRobert.]
Phoebe:Um, Chandler, Ross, thisisRobert.
Chandler:Oh, hey.
Robert:Hi.
Ross:Hey.
Phoebe: (toRobert) You抳ehavelipstickrighthere (pointstohercheek). That抯 okay, it抯 mine, wejustkissed.
Ross:Oh.
Chandler: (toRobert) Soah, isn抰 abitcoldoutforshorts?
Robert:Well, I抦 fromCalifornia.
Chandler:Right, right. Sometimesyouguysjustburstintoflames.
(RobertleansbackonthearmofthechairandallowsChandlertoseeuphisshortsandsees 憀ittleRobert.? Chandlerishorrifiedbythisview.)
Chandler: (standingup) I抦 up! I抦 up, I抳egottenupnow! Anybodyah, wantanything?
Phoebe:I抣lhavecoffee.
Robert:Yeah, metoo.
Ross:Yeah, makethatthree.
Chandler:OkayRoss, whydon抰 youcomewithme?
Ross:Okay. (goesovertothecounter) (toChandler) Whatah, whatisthematterwithyou? What抯 goingon?
Chandler:Robert抯 comingout.
Ross:What, whatdoyoumean, what? Ishegay?
Chandler:No. He.....he抯 comingoutofhisshorts.
Ross:What?!
Chandler:Themanisshowingbrain.
Ross:Areyousure? (Chandlernods: Yes!) Holdon. (walksoverbehindthecouch) I抦 sorryyouguys, thatwasacoffeeanda....
Robert:Coffee.
Ross:Okay.
Robert:Wecouldwriteitdownforyou?
Ross:No, no, thatwon抰 beah, thatwon抰 benecessary (leansdownandlooksupRobert抯 shorts, seeingRobert抯 package.)
Chandler: (toRoss) Wellll?
Ross:Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Chandler:Whatdowedo? Whatdowedo?
Ross:Well, Isupposewejusttrytonotlookdirectlyatit.
Chandler:Likeaneclipse.
(Rossnodshishead.)
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, MonicaisteachingRichardhowtomakelasagne.]
Richard:SowhenpeoplecomplementmeonmycookingshouldI, whatdoIsay?
Monica:Yousay 慣hankyouverymuch,?andthenyoubuymesomethingpretty. Comeon, we抮egonnaputarehandsinthisbowl, andwe抮egonnastartsquishingthetomatoes.
(Theybothstartsquishingthetomatoes.)
Richard:Ew, thisfeelsveryweird.
Monica:Youtouchpeople抯 eyeballseverydayandthisfeelsweird.
Richard:Yeah, well, sureItouchthem, butIspentyearslearningnottosquishthem. (Monicagrabshishandinthetomatoes.) That抯 myhand.
Monica:Oops.
Richard:Okay.
Monica:Gottakeepsquishing.
Richard:Tomatoesaresquishing.
Monica:Okay.
(Richardsquishesalittletoohardandsomelandsonhisshirt.)
Richard:Op.
Monica:Oh, gosh, yougotsomeonyourshirt.
Richard:Yeah.
Monica:Holdonasecond, justputalittleclubsodaonit (doesso) anditshouldumm, be.....
(Sheisrubbinghischestandhervoicetrailsoffintosilence, alongpausefollows.)
Richard:What?
Monica:Umm, you抳egotsomeonyourpants.
Richard:I抣ljustthrowthemout.
[Scene:CentralPerk, ChandleriswatchingJoeyreadLittleWomen, Rossisalsothere.]
Joey:Theselittlewomen. Wow!
Chandler:Yourlikingit, huh?
Joey:Ohyeah! AmyjustburnedJo抯 manuscript. Idon抰 seehowhecouldeverforgiveher.
Ross:Umm, Jo抯 agirl, it抯 shortforJosephine.
Joey:ButJo抯 gotacrushonLaurie. (Rossnodshishead) Oh. Youmeanit抯 likeagirl-girlthing? 慍ausethatistheonethingmissingfromTheShining.
Chandler:No, actuallyLaurie抯 aboy.
Joey:NowonderRachelhadtoreadthissomanytimes.
(EnterPhoebeandRobert)
Phoebe:Hey!
Chandler:Hey.
Ross:Hey! How抎 theah, basketballgo?
Phoebe:Oh, okay, Ilearnedhowtoshootalay-up, afoulshot, andatwenty-threepointer.
Chandler:Youmeanathreepointer?
Phoebe:Oh, IgetmorebecauseI抦 dainty.
Robert:Soum, isthereaphonehere, Icancheckmymessages?
Phoebe:Yeah, intheback. Youwantaquarter?
Robert:Oh, nothanks. Ialwayscarryoneinmysock.
(Heputshisleguponthecouchtogetthequarter, onceagainexposinghimselftoChandlerandRoss. Inhorror, Chandler, slidesoverandleansagainstJoeyonthecouch.)
Joey: (noticingChandler) Whatareyoudoing? (hepushesChandlerbacktohissideofthecouch) Getbackoveronyoursideofthe... (seesRobertinallhisglory) Hello!! (toRobert) Hi, I抦 Joey, wehaven抰 met.
Robert:Ah, goodtomeetyou. Robert.
(RobertwalksawayandtheguysallstartlaughinginfrontofPhoebe.)
Phoebe:What? (theguyskeeplaughing.) What? Youguys, whatisgoingon? YounotlikeRobert? (theguyskeeplaughing.) Whyareyoulaughing?!
Ross:Calmdown. There抯 noreasontogettesty.
(Theguysstartlaughingharder.)
Phoebe:Youguys!! Comeon!
Chandler:I抦 sorry, I抦 sorry, itjustseemsthatRobertisn抰 asconcealedintheshortsarea, asah, onemayhavehoped.
Phoebe:Whatdoyoumean?
Robert:Hey. (sitsdown)
Phoebe:Hey.
Joey:HeyRobert, couldyouah, ha, passmethosecookies?
Robert:Sure.
(HeputshisleguponthetabletopassJoeythecookies, andPhoebeseeswhattheguysarelaughingat, andgasps.)
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, MonicaistalkingtoRichardonthephone.]
Monica:So, how抎 thelasagnegoover? (listens) Really?! Good. Soyouowemethreeprettythings. (listens) Yeah, I抳ebeenthinkingalotaboutyoutoo. (listens) Iknow. It抯 hardthiswholeplatonicthing. (listens) It抯 aword!
(There抯 aknockonthedoor.)
Monica:Yeah, Idothinkit抯 betterthisway. (listens) Yeah, we抮ebeingsmart. (getsuptoanswerthedoor) (listens) Yes, I抦 sure.(sheopensthedoorandit抯 Richard)
Richard:Youreallysure?
Monica:I抣lcallyouback. (startskissinghim)
COMMERCIALBREAK
[Scene:Monica抯 bedroom, she抯 inbedwithRichard.]
Monica:Sowecanbefriendswhosleeptogether.
Richard:Absolutely, thiswilljustbesomethingwedo, likeracquetball.
Monica:Soundssmartandhealthytome. Soum, justoutofcuriosity, um, doyoucurrentlyhaveanyotherracquetballbuddies?
Richard:Justyourdad. (pause) Althoughthat抯 actuallyracquetball. YouknowI-Idohaveablinddatewithmysister抯 neighbournextTuesday.
Monica:Oh.
Richard:Youwantmetocancelit?
Monica:No! (pusheshim) No!
Richard:Okay.
Monica: 慍auseifyoudothatmeansyou抎 becancellingitforme, andwe抮ejustfriends.
Richard:Exactly. (pushesherback)
[Scene:CentralPerk, RobertispickingupPhoebeforadate.]
Robert:Hey.
Phoebe:Hey. Ooh! Don抰 sitdown!
Robert:Youreadytogotothebattingcage?
Phoebe:Yeah. And, firsthere抯 agift.
Robert:Oh! Wow! Hey!
Chandler:Stretchypants! Why, thosearethegreatestthingsintheworld! IfIwereyouIwouldwearthemeveryday, everyday!
Robert:Jeez, thankyoureallythatissonice. Butum, tobehonest, Idon抰 thinkIcanwearthese, they抮esotight, IfeellikeI抦 ondisplay. I抦 sorry.
Phoebe:That抯 allright, that抯 well, Ifigured.... (theystarttoleaveasJoeyenters.)
Robert: (toJoey) Hey!
Joey:Hey! (startstolaugh.) How抯 itgoing?
Ross:Good.
Joey:Hey, Rach, howyoudoingwithTheShining?
Rachel:Oh, Dannyjustwentintoroom 217.
Joey:Oooh, thenextpart抯 thebest, whenthatdeadladyinthebathtub...
Rachel:Oh, no, meh-nah-nah-nah, comeonyou抮egonnaruinit!
Joey:AllrightI抣ltalkincode. (toRossandChandler) Rememberwhenthekidseesthosetwoblanksinthehallway?
Chandler:Hmmm, that抯 verycool.
Joey:Oh, allblank, andnoblank, make抯 blankablankblank. Ohno-no-no, no, theendwhenJackalmostkillsthemallwiththatblank, butthenatlastsecondtheygetaway. Aww!
Rachel:Joey! Ican抰 believeyoujustdidthat!
Chandler:Ican抰 believeshecrackedyourcode!
Rachel:Allright, okay, LaurieproposestoJo, andshesaysno, eventhoughshe抯 stillinlovewithhim, andthenheendsupmarringAmy.
Joey:Hey! Minewasbyaccident! Allright, theboilerexplodesanddestroysthehotel, andkillsthedad.
Rachel:Eh. Bethdies.
(Joeyrecoilsandgaspsinhorror.)
Joey:Beth, Bethdies?
Rachel:Um-hmm.
Joey:Isthattrue? IfIkeepreadingisBethgonnadie?
Chandler:No, Bethdoesn抰 die, shedoesn抰 die. DoessheRachel?
Rachel:What?!
Ross:Joey抯 askingifyou抳ejustruinedthefirstbookhe抯 everlovedthatdidn抰 starJackNicholson?
Rachel:No. Shedoesn抰 die.
Joey:Thenwhywouldyousaythat?!
Rachel:Because, Iwantedtohurtyou.
Robert: (runningin) Oh, theretheyare! I-Idroppedmykeys.
(Hebendsovertopickthemup, rightinfrontofRachel, whothengetsafreepeepshow.)
Rachel: (gasps) Ohmy....
Robert:Got 慹m.
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, RachelisreadingTheShining, asMonicaenters.]
Monica:Hi.
Rachel: (screamsandgrabsapotatomashertodefendherself) Sorry. I抦 sorry.
Monica:Youwouldnotbelievemyday! Ihadtoworktwoshifts, andthentotopitoff, Ilostoneofmyfakeboobs, (openshercoatrevealingalargeburnmarkoverherleftbreast.) inagrillfire.
(Rachelstartslaughing.)
Monica:Whatareyousmilingat?
Rachel:I抦 sorry, Iwasjustthinkingyou抮edaycouldstillpickup.
Monica:Yeah, right.
(Shegoesintoherbedroom, andseesRichardwhohascoveredtheroominrosesandhastwoglassesofwineandarosebetweenhislips.)
Richard:Hello.
Monica:Ilovethisfriendthing!
[Scene:CentralPerk, Phoebe, Chandler, andRossarethere.]
Phoebe:Listen, Robert抯 gonnabehereanysecondso, willoneofyoujusttellhim?
Ross:Oh.
Phoebe:Please, rightnow, no, everytimeIseehimit抯 like 慖sitonthelose?? 慖sitwatchingme??br>
Chandler:Wecan抰 tellhim, youcan抰 gouptoaguyyoubarelyknowandtalkabouthis.... stuff.
Ross:He抯 right, evenifit抯 tosaysomethingcomplementary. (Hestopsandthinksaboutwhathejustsaid.)
Robert: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe:Hey.
Robert: (toPhoebe) Soarereadyforthegym? They抳egotthisnewrockclimbingwall, wecanspoteachother.
Phoebe:No, Icanspotyoufromhere.
Robert:What?
Phoebe:Okay, listenRobert...
Ross: (toChandler) Hey, don抰 wehaveto...
Chandler:Yeah, wegot, um-hmm.
Phoebe:Umm, Ithinkyou抮ereally, reallygreat...
Robert:OhGod! Herewegoagain. Whydoesthiskeephappeningtome? (spreadshislegs) IsitsomethingI抦 puttingoutthere? Isthismyfault? OramIjustnuts?
Phoebe:I-I-I-I-Idon抰 know, Idon抰 knowwhattosay.
Gunther: (cleaningupthetable) (toRobert) Heybuddy, thisisafamilyplace, putthemousebackinthehouse.
(Robertlooksdownandrealisestheproblem.)
[Scene:Richard抯 bedroom, Monicahascovereditinrosepedalsandcandles. WehearRichardcomeintotheapartment, andMonicafranticallythrowstherestofthepedalsonthebed, andjumpsontothebedandputsaroseinhermouth, andbitesathorn.]
Monica:Ow!
Richard: (outsidethebedroom) Really?! Well, it抯 justlikeeveryoneelse抯 apartment. It抯 gotrooms, walls, andceilings.
Richard抯 Date:Well, Ijustwantedtoseewhereyoulived. Now, givemethetour.
Monica:OhmyGod! OhmyGod! (ShefranticallytriestocleanupthebedroomasRichardstartsthetour.)
Richard:Ahwell, thisisthelivingroom.
Richard抯 Date:Impressive.
Richard:Allright. Thisisthekitchen.
Richard抯 Date:Oh, that抯 realpretty. Waitaminute, don抰 Igettoseethebedroom?
Richard:Thebedroom. Wellit抯 prettymuchyourtypical... (opensthedoorasMonicahidesunderthecovers, andquicklyclosesthedoorbeforehisdatecanseetheroom.) bedroom.
Richard抯 Date:We抮estillonthissideofthedoor.
Richard:Um-hmm.
Richard抯 Date:Yeah, butIdidn抰 gettoseeit.
Richard:Ohshoot! Maybenexttime. (yawns) Thanksforalovelyevening. (showsherout)
[Cuttointothebedroom, withMonicastillhidingunderthecovers. Richardentersandsitsdownnexttoher.]
Monica: (stillhidingundertheblankets) Soum, whowasshe?
Richard:Oh, (laughs) thatwastheblinddatethatItoldyouabout, shecalledandswitchedittotoday.
Monica: (stillhidingundertheblankets) Didyoulikeher? AndI抦 justaskingasafriend, becauseIamtotallyfinewiththis.
Richard:Well, youseemfine.
Monica: (getsup) Okay, y'knowwhat, I抦 notfine, I抦 not. ImeanhowcanIbefine, hearingyoucomeinwithher, shewantstoseeyourbedroom.... (pause) Y'knowwhat, whatifwe抮efriendswhodon抰 seeotherpeople?
Richard:Youmeanlikeexclusivefriends?
Monica:Whynot?! Imeanthishasbeenthemostamazingweek. Woulditbesoterrible? Evenifwewerefriendswholivedtogether. Or, maybesomedayfriendswhostoodupinfrontoftheirotherfriends, andvowedtobefriendsforever.
Richard:Wow. Y'knowwe抮ebackwherewewere. Honey, Iwouldlovetodoallthat, butnothing抯 changed.
Monica:That抯 nottrue, youdon抰 haveamoustache.
Richard:Okay, okay, onething抯 changed. Butwestillwantdifferentthingsandweknowhowthisisgonnaend.
Monica:Y'knowwhat, I抳egottowalkoutofhererightnow, 慶ausegettingoveryouisthehardestthingthatIhaveeverhadtodo. Idon抰 thinkIcoulddoitagain.
Richard:IknowIcouldn抰. So....
(Monicakisseshim.)
Monica:How 慴outonelastgameofracquetball?
(Theybothkiss, andRichardpicksherupandgoesovertothebedandstartstoliedown.)
Monica:Watchthethorns!
Richard: (lyingdown) Ow!!
CLOSINGCREDITS
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, Joeyisentering, andhe抯 verydejected.]
Rachel:What?
Joey:Bethisreally, reallysick.
Rachel:Awwww.
Joey:Jo抯 there, butIdon抰 thinkthere抯 anythingshecoulddo.
(Rachelhugshim)
Rachel:Joey?
Joey:Yeah.
Rachel:Doyouwanttoputthebookinthefreezer?
Joey: (noddinghishead) Okay.
Rachel:Okay.
(Joeyhandsherthebookandsheputsitinthefreezer.)
END