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Friends老友记 Episode 314:TheOneWithPhoebeEx-Partner
TheOneWithPhoebeEx-Partner
[Scene:CentralPerk, thegang, exceptRachel, iswatchinganewsinger.]
Singer: (singing) auseeverytimeIseeyourface, Icanhelpbutfallfromgrace. Iknow.....
Joey:Wow! Thisgirlisgood.
Phoebe:Oh-hoyeah! Asongwithrhymingwords. Oo, Ineverthoughtofthatbefore.
Chandler:Ilikeher.
Phoebe: (toChandler) Why? Becauseshecansingandplayguitaranddobothatthesametime?
Chandler:Well, that抯 prettymuchallI抦 lookingforfromthesepeople.
Monica: (toPhoebe) Lookatyou. Alljealous.
Ross:YeahPheebs, comeon, youtwohavecompletelydifferentstyles. Y'know, she抯 more..(shakeshisshoulders, likehe抯 dancing) y'know, andyou抮emore (seesthelookfromPhoebeandstops)
Singer: (singing) besidemeeeee-eeee-ee. (everyoneapplaudsher).
Phoebe:Okay, see, see, everyoneelseishappyshe抯 done.
Singer:Okay, mynextsong抯 called: PhoebeBuffay, WhatCanISay. IReallyLovedWhenWeWereSingingPartners, AndIShouldn抰 HaveLeftYouThatWay.
(ThegangalllooksatPhoebe.)
Phoebe:Ohno, oneofthose 憀ookforthehiddenmeaning?songs.
OPENINGCREDITS
[Scene:CentralPerk, later.]
Singer:HeyPhoebe.
Phoebe:HeyLeslie, how抎 youknowI抎 behere?
Leslie:IranintoVladattheplacewheretheysellthebigfish, andhesaidyouplayedherealot, soumm....
Chandler: (toRoss) Allrightlisten, Ihavetogotothebathroom, butiftheplacewiththebigfishcomesupagain. I抎 likeknowwhetherthat抯 severalbigfishorjustonebigfish.
Joey: (toLeslie) Soah, Phoebetellsusyouwritejingles.
Phoebe:ActuallyIsaidsheabandonedmetowritejingles.
Joey: (toLeslie) Ah, anythingwemightofheardof?
Leslie:Ah, yeah, umm. (singing) Homeisneverfaraway..
Monica, Ross, andJoey: (joiningin) HomeisHomeStarstew.
Leslie:Yeah, but, Idon抰 dothatanymore. Igotkindasickofit, andthenIcouldn抰 comeupwithanythinggood, sotheyfiredme.
Phoebe:Hmm, bummer.
Leslie:Well, Iy'know, Iwasjust, umm, Iwasjustthinkingandhoping, thatumm, maybeyou抎 wanttogetbacktogether?
Phoebe:No. Butthanks.
Leslie:AwcomeonPhoebewouldyoujustthinkaboutit?
Phoebe:Okay. No. Butthanks.
Leslie:Okay, ah, seeyaPheebs. (leaves)
Joey: (toPhoebe) Wow, thatwaskindabrutal.
Phoebe:Wellokay, letthisbealessontoallofyou, allright. Onceyou, onceyoubetrayme, Ibecomeliketheicewoman, y択now. Verycold, hard, unyielding, y'knownothing, nothingcanpenetratethisicyexterior. (toMonica) CanIhaveatissue, please?
Monica:Yeah, sure.
[Scene:Outsidethebathroom, Chandlerispacingbackandfourth, waitingisuseit.]
Gunther: (toChandler) Someoneinthere?
Chandler:No. ThisisjustpartofadaredevilgamethatIplaycalled 憌aituntilthelastmomentbeforeIburstanddie.?br>
(Thedooropens.)
Chandler:Jeez, mandidyoufall..(seesit抯 abeautifulwomancomingoutofthemen抯 room) Hi! Soah, didya, did-did-didyafallhigh?
Woman:Someonewasinthelady'sroom, Icouldn抰 wait. Ileftthelidupforyathough.
(Guntherwalksup)
Chandler: (toGunther) Y'knowwhatGunther, goah, goahead, I抦-I抦 talkingtoah, (triestogethertosayhername). (toher) Thisisthepartwhereyousayyourname.
Woman:Ginger.
Chandler:Ginger. I抦 talkingtoGinger, so....
Ginger:Don抰 youhavetousethebathroom?
Chandler:Nope, nope, I抎 justah, I抎 rathertalktoyou. (pause) Yes, Ido. Yes, Idohavetogotothebathroom. (knocksonthedoor)
Gunther:Someoneinhere.
[Scene:CentralPerk, thegang抯 puttingtheircoatsontoleave.]
Phoebe:Where抯 Chandler?
Joey:Ah, hecan抰 makeit, hesaidhehadtohis... (seesGinger) Whoa-oh! (hidesbehindthecoatrack.)
Ginger:Joey? JoeyTribbiani?
(Shewalksoverbehindthecoatrack, butJoeypicksitupandmovesitsothathe抯 stillbehindit, andshecan抰 seehim.)
Ginger:JoeyIcanseeyouokay? You抮ehidingbehindthecoats.
(JoeyputshisfingeroverhismouthtotellRosstokeepquiet. GingerlooksatMonicawholooksawayandleave.)
Joey:Phew, closeone.
[Scene:Rachel抯 office, Markispackinghisstuffintoabox.]
Ross:Hi.
Rachel:Hi, sweetie!
Ross:Hello.
Mark:Hi, Ross.
Ross:Yeah, huh.
Rachel:I抳egotsomebadnews.
Ross:What?
Rachel:Icangetaquickbitetoeat, butthenIhavetocomebackuphere.
Ross:Comeonsweetie! You抳ehadtoworklateeverynightforthepasttwoweeks, whatisitthistime?
Mark:Actually, it抯 kindamyfault. I-Iquittoday.
Ross: (toRachel) Butworkcomesfirst! (toMark) Ohhey, butthat抯 sadaboutyouthough, whathappened? Burnout? Burnallout, didya?
Rachel:Nooo, he抯 leavingforabetterjob.
Ross:Ohwellthat抯 great, soIguessthisisah, thisisgoodbyethen. Huh? (picksapadupoffRachel抯 deskandtossesitintohisbox) Goodbye.
Mark:Okay, then.
Ross:Okay.
Rachel:Wellwe抮egonnamissyouaroundhere.
Mark:Yeah, metoo.
(RachelgoestohughimbutRossisholdingoneofherhandsanddoesn抰 letgo, soshecanonlyputonearmaroundhim.)
Mark:So, seeyaonSaturday.
Rachel:Yeah, youbet.
(Rossisshocked, butRacheldragshimoutoftheoffice.)
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, PhoebeandMonicaareplayingwithaOuijaboard, Phoebe抯 beepergoesoffandMonicascreams.]
Phoebe:Oh. (takesherbeeperputsinapot, coversit, andputsthepotintheoven)
Monica:Y'knowthoseareadelicacyinIndia.
Phoebe:Yeah, thatwasLesliecallingagaintoseeifwecangetbacktogether. That抯 thetwentiethtimetoday! AndgoodluckLeslie!
Monica:Wow, shemusthavehurtyouprettybad, huh?
Phoebe:Well, yeah. Y'know, wewerebestfriends, eversincewewerelittle, ourMomsworkedonthebargetogether.
Monica:Oh, youtwomusthavebeensocuterunningaroundonabarge.
Phoebe:Youneverrunonabarge!
Joey: (entering) Hey.
PhoebeandMonica: Hey.
Joey:Isah, isChandleraround?
Monica:No, umm, hemetsomegirlatthecoffeehouse.
Joey:Oooh.
Monica:Yeah, Gingersomething.
Joey:Nooo. No, no, ah, areyousureitwasn抰 somethingthatsoundedlikeGinger, likeah, Gingeer?
Monica:No, itwasGinger. Iremember, becausewhenhetoldme, Isaid, (singing) 憈hemoviestar.?br>
Joey:Aww, man. That抯 thegirlIwashidingfrom. Whenshefindsouthe抯 myroommate, she抯 gonnatellhimwhatIdid.
Monica:Well, whatdidyoudo?
Joey:What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, Ican抰, Ican抰 tellyouthat, it抯 likethemostawful, horriblethingI抳eeverdonemywholelife.
Monica:Y'knowwhat, don抰 tellus. We抣ljustwaituntilChandlergetshome, (toPhoebe) becauseit抣lbemorefunthatway.
Joey:Allright!! Okay, itwaslikefouryearsago. Okay, GingerandIhadgoneoutafewtimes, andthenthisoneweekend, wewentuptoherDad抯 cabin. Justme, her, andherannoyinglittledogPepper. Wellthatnight, Icookedthisreallyromanticdinner....
Monica:Yougaveherfoodpoisoning!?
Joey:Iwish. No. Afterdinner, me, her, andPepperallfellasleepinfrontofthefire. WellIwokeupinthemiddleofthenightandIsawthatthefirewasdyingout. So, Ipickedupalogandthrewiton. Or, atleastwhatIthoughtwasalog.
Phoebe:OhmyGod!! YouthrewPepperonthefire!
Joey:Iwish. See, IguessanotherthingIprobablyshould抳etoldyouaboutGingeristhatshekindahasaah, artificialleg.
(PhoebeandMonicabothstandupandgasp.)
Monica:OhmyGod! Joey, whatdidyoudoafteryouthrewherlegonthefire?
Joey:Iran!!
[Scene:Astreet, ChandleriskissingGinger.]
Chandler:Well, that抯 thebestkissI抳ehadwithanyoneI抳eevermetinamen抯 room.
Ginger:Actually, metoo.
Chandler: (seesherfootisinaslushpuddle) Op, footinapuddle, footallinapuddle.
Ginger:Ohdamn, Ihatethat.
Chandler:Yeah, we抮egonnahavetogetyououtofthoseshoes.
Ginger:Oh, don抰 worryaboutit.
Chandler:No, reallyyou抮egonnafreeze.
Ginger:No, I抦 not.
Chandler:You抮enot, whatdoyou, whatdoyougotabionicfoot?
Ginger:Someday, maybe.
[Scene:Ross抯 bedroom, RachelgettingintobedwhileRossisreadingandlaughs.]
Rachel:Funnybook?
Ross:Hmmm. Oh, no, no, IjustthinkingaboutsomethingfunnyIheardtoday. Umm, Mark, Marksaying 慖抣lseeyouSaturday.?br>
Rachel:Yeah, atthelecture, Itoldyouthatlastweek, yousaidyoudidn抰 mind.
Ross:Oh, no, no, no, it抯-it抯 notthelectureah, Imind, umm....
Rachel:Oh, pleasetellmeit抯 notbecauseI抦 goingwithMark.
Ross:Oh, well...
Rachel:OhmyGod!!! Ross!!
Ross:Well, I抦 sorry, butah, lookifyou抮enotworkingwithhimanymore, whydoyouhavetostilldostuffwithhim?
Rachel:Because, he抯 myfriend.
Ross:Okay, butdoyoureallyneedanotherfriend? Imean...
Rachel:Okay, wellifIstopplayingwithJoeyandChandler, canIplaywithMark?
Ross:Isthatfunny? AmIsupposedtobelaughing?
Rachel:Idon抰 know, youthought 慡eeyouSaturday?wasfunny. Lookhoney, Markisinfashionokay, IlikehavingafriendthatIcansharethisstuffwith. Youguyswouldneverwanttogotoalecturewithme.
Ross:Pa-haa!! Iwouldlovetogowithyou.
Rachel:Really!?
Ross:Yeah, heyI-Ihaveclothes, Ievenpickthemout. Imeanfor, forallyouknowIcouldbeafashion..... monger.
Rachel:Okay. Honey, Iwouldloveforyoutogowithme. (Rosshasaworriedlookonhisface) What?
Ross:WhatshouldIwear, nowI抦 allnervous.
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, Phoebeislookingatherbeeperstillinthepot. Shetakesitout, shakesit, andputsitbackin.]
Monica:Y'knowtheysayawatchedpotneverbeeps.
Phoebe:It抯 justy'know, beenacoupleofhours, andshehasn抰 called. NotthatIevencare, y'know.
Monica:Phoebewhydon抰 youjustcallher? Youobviouslywantto.
Phoebe:Youthinkyouknowmesowell.
Monica:Well, don抰 慶hawanna?
Phoebe:Yeah.
Monica:Okay, wellIdoknowyou.
Phoebe:That抯 whatIsaid.
Monica:Wellso?
Phoebe:Ican抰. Ican抰. Shedumpedme, ImeanItotallytrustedherandthenonedayitwas 慜kay, byePheebs?gone. Y'knowwhatthesaddestpartis, whenwewereplayingtogether, thatwaslikethemostfunI抳eeverhadinlikeallmylives.
[Scene:CentralPerk, Leslieissinging.]
Leslie: (singing) Mybestshoes, sogoodtome. Iwearthemeveryday. Downattheheel, holesinthetoes. Don抰 carewhatpeoplesay. Myfeet抯 bestfriends, palstotheend. WiththemI抦 onehotchicky. Thoughlateonenight, notmuchlight, I....
(Phoeberunsinandjoinsher.)
Phoebe: (singing) Isteppedinsomethingicky.
PhoebeandLeslie: (singing) Stickyshoes, stickyshoes, alwaysmakemesmile. Stickyshoes, stickyshoes, nexttimeI抣l.... avoidthe..... pillleeeee.
COMMERCIALBREAK
[Scene:Thelecture, Rachelislisteningclosely, Rossisboredoutofhismind.]
Lecturer:We抮ebeginningtoseealotoflayeringofsheerfabricsandcolours. Forinstanceasheernavyblouseoverapink....
Ross: (toRachel) I抦 reallygladwecame. (Rachelsmilesandrubshisarm) You抮esopretty. Iloveyou.
Rachel:Oh. (putsherhandoverhismouth)
[Scene:CentralPerk, PhoebeisteachingLesliehowtosingSmellyCat.]
Phoebe: (singing) Smellycat, smellycat, whataretheyfeedingyou? Smellycat, smellycat, it抯 notyourfault.
Leslie:Wow, that抯 great.
Phoebe:Oh, yeah!
Leslie:Y'knowyoucouldtotallysellthis. It抎 beperfectforlikeumm, akittylittercampaign.
Phoebe:I..., ajingle? No, no-no-no, no.
Leslie:What? Whynot? Youcouldmakeatonofmoney.
Phoebe:Okay, wellifIwasinthisforthemoney, I抎 beamillionairebynow, y'know. Youjustgottogetoutofthatjingleheadsweetie.
Leslie:Aw, you抮eright, you抮eright. I抦 sorry.
Phoebe:That抯 okay. Allright, I抦 gonnaplaysongthat抯 really, reallysad. It抯 calledMagicianBoxMixUp. (sheturnsherguitarupsidedowntoplayit.)
[Scene:Thelecture, RossispassedoutagainstRachel抯 shoulder.]
Lecturer: ....oversizedbracelets, oversizedearrings, oversizingofaccessoriesingeneralareverypopularnow.
(RosswakesupwithastartandstartlesRachel. Theguynexttohimstartslaughing, whichstartsRosslaughing, Rachelgiveshimalookandhestops.)
[Scene:ChandlerandJoey's, Chandlerisreadingthenewspaper.]
Monica: (entering) Hi!
Chandler:Hey.
Monica:Oh, canIborrowthis? (pointstohismilk) Mymilk抯 gonebad.
Chandler:Oh, Ihatethat. Ioncehadathingofhalfandhalf, stolemycar.
Monica:Soumm, howwasyourdatewithGinger?
Chandler:Great. Itwasgreat. She抯 ah, she抯 great, greatlooking, greatpersonality, she抯 greatness.
Monica:Soundslikeshe抯 gottheah, wholepackage.
Chandler:Joeytoldyouabouttheleg, huh?
Monica:Uh-huh.
Chandler:OhGod, itfreakedmeout. Okay, Iknowitshouldn抰 have, butitdid. ImeanIlikeher, Idon抰 wanttostopseeingher, buteverysooftenit抯 like 慔ey, y'knowwhat, where抯 yourleg?? ImeanI抦 thesmallestpersonintheworldaren抰 I? I抦 thesmallestpersonintheworld.
Joey: (enteringfromhisbedroom) Morning.
Chandler: (toMonica) Actuallyhe抯 thesmallestpersonintheworld.
Joey: (toChandler) Heardaboutthelegburnin?huh?
Chandler:Itcameup.
Joey:Listen, Iah, Iknowit抯 alongshot. But, byanychancedidshefindthatfunny?
(BothChandlerandMonicawalkawayindisgust.)
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, RossandRachelaregettingbackfromthelecture.]
Ross: (entering) SoInoddedoffalittle.
Rachel:Noddedoff!! Rossyouweresnoring. Myfather抯 boatdidn抰 makethatmuchnoisewhenithitrocks!
Ross:Comeon! Forty-fiveminutes! Forty-fiveminutesthemantalkedaboutstrappybackeddresses.
Rachel:Wellokay, howaboutfourhoursinafreezingmuseumauditoriumlisteningtoProfessorPitstainsandhe抯 慔eyeverybody! Rememberthatthingthat抯 beendeadforagazillionyears. Wellthere抯 thislittlebonewedidn抰 knowithad!?br>
Ross:Firstofallit抯 ProfessorPittain! Andsecondofall, thatlittlebone, provedthat, thatparticulardinosaurhadwings, butdidn抰 fly.
Rachel:Okay, seenow, whatIjustheard: blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.
Ross:Y'knowwhat, 100 millionpeoplewenttoseeamovieaboutwhatIdo, Iwonderhowmanypeoplewouldgoseeamoviecalled, JurassicParka.
Rachel:Oh, thatisso...
Ross:No-no-no, abunchofoutofcontroljacketstakeoveranisland. (Makesanunusualsound, thenherealisesthathestillhashisjacketonandquicklytriestoshakeitoff, thinkingit抯 aliveandattackinghim.)
Rachel:Y'knowifwhatIdoissolame, thenwhydidyouinsistoncomingwithmethismorning? Huh? WasitsoIjustwouldn抰 gowithMark?
Ross:No. I... Iwantedtobewithyou. Idon抰 know, Ifeellikelately, Ifeellikeyou抮eslippingawayfromme, y'know. Withthisnewjob, andallthesenewpeople, andyou抳egotthiswholeotherlifegoingon. I-I-Iknowit抯 dumb, butIhatethatI抦 notapartofit.
Rachel:It抯 notdumb. But, maybeit抯 okaythatyou抮enotapartofit. Y'knowwhatImean? (Rosslooksconfused) Imeanit抯 like, I-I-Ilikethatyou抮enotinvolvedinthatpartofmylife.
Ross:That抯 alittleclearer.
Rachel:Honeysee, itdoesn抰 meanthatIdon抰 loveyou. BecauseIdo. Iloveyou, Iloveyousomuch. Butmyworkit抯-it抯 formey'know, I抦 outthere, onmyown, andI抦 doingitandit抯 scarybutIloveit, becauseit抯 mine. I, but, Imeanisthatokay?
Ross:Sure, I-I-I... (hugsherandmouthsNo!!)
[Scene:ChandlerandJoey's, ChandlerandGingerareeatingdinner.]
Ginger:Yourthinkingaboutmylegaren抰 you?
Chandler:No. No. ActuallyIforgot, whatisthedealwiththatagain?
Ginger:It抯 okayifitbothersyou. Really. ImeantheonlythingIneedtoknowis: 慔owmuchitbothersyou??becauseIdon抰 likewastingmytime. AmIwastingmytime?
Chandler:No. No. Idon抰 thinkso.
Ginger:Okay. It抯 justlikeanythingelse, youjusthavetogetusedtoit.
(Theystartmakingout. Sheopenshisshirtandfeelsinsideandstops.)
Ginger:What抯 that?
Chandler:That抯-that抯 mynubbin.
Ginger:What抯 anubbin?
Chandler:It抯 kindaaah, athirdnipplekindathing.
Ginger:Youhavethreenipples?
Chandler:Well, y'knowtworegulars. Andahonethatbarelyqualifiesas... (startstokissheragain, butshegetsup.) Ahh, what?
Ginger:Nothing. I, IjustrememberedIhavetoleave.
Chandler:Youah, youhave, youhavetoleave, now? Howcome?
Ginger:Ahwell, it抯 nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'knowwhat, I抣lseeyoulater. Okay. (Sheleavesandinthehallweseehershakehershoulderslikewhensomeonerunstheirfingernailsacrossablackboard.)
[Scene:CentralPerk, PhoebeisgettingreadytosingasLeslieenters.]
Phoebe: (toLeslie) Oh, Ithoughtyouweren抰 coming. What? Wherewereyou?
Leslie:Comehere, comehere. (theygotothesideofthestage) Okay, don抰 getmad, okay.
Phoebe:Okay, don抰 givemeareasontogetmad, okay
Leslie:IplayedSmellyCatforthepeopleatmyoldadagency, theywentnuts.
Phoebe:No, look, ItoldyouthatIdidn抰 wantyoutotryandsellit, andyoujust, youbigfatdiditanyway. God, y'knowwhat, IthinkfiveyearsagoIprobablywould抳edoneanythingtoplaywithyoubut, Icandoitbymyself. AndifIcan抰 trustyouthenjustforgetit.
Leslie:No, no, Idon抰 wanttoforgetit.
Phoebe:Okayy'knowwhatyouhavetochoose. Allright, if-ifthemostimportantthingontheplanettoyouisthiscatpoopythingthen, okayyoucanhaveSmellyCat, butwewon抰 bepartners. Sowhat抯 itgonnabe?
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, Phoebe, Monica, andJoeyarewatchingTV.]
Commercial: (inthebackgroundtheirsingingSmellyCat) Problemodourinthelitterbox? Don抰 changeyourkitty, changeyourkittylitter.
(MonicagetsupandshutsofftheTV.)
Monica:Sorry, Pheebs.
Joey:Yeah. Youokay?
Phoebe:Yeah. Iactuallyam, yeah. Y'knowlife-life抯 gonnahadyouallkindsofstuff, y'knowyoulearnyourlittlelessonsandhopefullyyougrow. Wannahearanewsong?
Joey:Yeah.
Monica:We抎 lovetoo.
Phoebe:Okay. (singing) 慗inglebitchscrewedmeover! Gotohelljinglewhore! GotohellGotohell. Gotohell-hell-hell.? That抯 allIhavesofar.
CLOSINGCREDITS
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's, thewholegangexceptChandleristhere.]
Chandler: (entering, happily) Wellhello!
Joey:Wherehaveyoubeen?
Chandler:Thedoctor.
Ross:Iseverythingokay?
Chandler:Ohyes! Justhadmealittlenubbin-ectomy. Yep! Twonipples, nowaiting.
Monica:Wow! It抯 likeRachelinHighSchool.
Rachel:What?!!
Monica:Comeon! Comeon, Iwaskidding! Itwassuchanobviousjoke!
Chandler:Thatwasanobviousjoke, andIdidn抰 thinkofit. Whydidn抰 Ithinkofit? Thesourceofallmypowers. OhdearGod, whathaveIdone!
END