B.Wrinkles.
Goodmorning, madam. Andwhatcanwedoforyou?
Whatcanyoudoforme?
Yes, madam, whatcanwedoforyou?
You'vealreadydoneit, thankyouverymuch. AndIwantsomethingdoneaboutwhatyou'vedoneforme.
Issomethingthematter, madam?
I'llsaythereis, Iwanttoseethemanager.
I'mthemanager, madam. Now ... nowwhatseemstobethetrouble?
Lookatmyface!
Yourface? Ahyes. Ohdear. Well, nevermind. What'swrongwithyourface? WhatexactlyamIsupposedtobelookingat?
Mylines, myWrinkles.
Well, wecansoonputthatright, Madam. YouneedabottleofourNewGenerationWrinkleCream. Withthiswonderfulnewcreamyourlinesandwrinklesjust ...
Shutup!
... justdisap ... Ibegyourpardon?
Isaidshutup! Iwassillyenoughtolistentoyoubefore. I'lllistentonomoreofit.
Yousayyou'vebeenherebefore, madam. I'mafraidIdon'trecognizeyou.
Ofcourseyoudon'trecognizeme! LasttimeIcameinhereIwasaveryattractivemiddle-agedwoman. NowIlookoldenoughtobeevenyourgrandmother.
Well, yes ... er ... someofusdoagequickerthanothers.
It'snotaquestionofage, myman, it'saquestionofyourcream. IuseditfortwosmalllinesundermyeyesandIwokeupnextmorninglookinglikeLadyFrankenstein.
Youradvertisementsays'Losetenyearsovernight. Foronlyfivepoundsyoucanlookyoungandattractiveagain.
Triedbythousands. Moneybackguarantee.'Well, Iwantmorethanmymoneyback. Iwantyoutopayformetohaveplasticsurgery.
But, madam, theremustbesomemistake.
I'llsaythere'sbeenamistake. Mymistakewasbelievingyouradvertandbuyingyoursillycream. 'Itcandothesameforyou, too,'itsaid. Well, it'scertainlydonesomethingforme, butnowwhatitdidfortheladyinthepicture.
Butourproductistestedandapprovedbydoctors. Itwasthoroughlytestedonthousandsofvolunteersbyexpertsbeforeitwasallowedtobesoldonthemarket. Thisisthefirstcomplaintwe'vehad.
Itoldyou, IwantyoutopayforafaceliftorI'mtakingyoutocourt! Sothere!
Er, doyouhappentohavea ... arecentphotograph, madam?
What... whateverdoyouwantwithaphotograph? YoucanseethewayIlook.
Imeanaphotographofyoujustbeforeyouusedthecream.
DoyouthinkIgotothephotographerseveryday? (Pause) Look, Justgivemethefivepounds, willyou?
Doyouhaveyourreceiptwithyou, madam?
Er ... justaminute ... letmehavealook. (Rummagesinbag) Er ... no. No, Iseemtohavelostit?
Thenthere'snothingIcando, madam. Sorry.
(furious) I'lltakeyoutocourt. I'lltakeyoutocourt.
Youcandoasyouplease, madam. Goodmorning.
C.Shopping.
Right, whatdoyouwantmetogetthen?
Right, er ... well, gotothegreengrocer'sfirst.
Yeah, thegreengrocer's. (Right.) OK.
Right, letmesee, potatoes, butnewpotatoes, notmottledones. Imeanthey'rereallynotverygoodanymore. Urm, threepounds ...
Hangon. I'mtryingtowritethisdown. Newpotatoes.
Right. ... threepounds.Threepounds. Yes.
Springonions, onebunch.
Onebunchofspringonions.
Yeah.
OK.
And ... apoundofbananas.
Andapoundofbananas. Right.
Andthen, couldyougotothesupermarketaswell?
Yes, yes.
Mm, letmesee. Apacketofsugarcubes.
Apacketofsugarcubes.
Yeah. Cubes, mindyou, nottheotherstuff.
Right.
Coffee, instantcoffee, butyeah, getNescafe, Nescafegoldblend.
Nescafe?
Yeah. Idon'treallylikeanyotherkinds.
OK. Nescafe ... whatdidyousay?
Goldblend.
Goldblend. Yeah.
Youknowoneofthoseeight-ouncejars.
Eightounces. Yes, yes.
Cookingoil.
Cookingoil.
Sunflower ... yousee, Ineeditfor ...
Whatisit? What'sthat?
Sunflower.
Sunflower?
Ineeditforaspecialrecipe.
Neverheardofthat.Sunflowercookingoil.
Yeah.
Right.
Wine.
Anyspecialkind?
Anydrywhite.
Drywhitewine. Yeah. Andsomebread.
Somebread. Any, again, anyparticularkind?
No. Anykind? Anykind, yeah. OK. Yeah. Anythingelse?
No, Idon'tthink. Ohyes, hangon. Iforgetapples. Goldendelicious, urm, fromthegreengrocer's.
Goldendeliciousapples. Howmany?
Twopounds.
Twopounds. Yes.
Hi, I'mback.
Ah, good. Right, well, let'sseewhatyou'vegotthen.
Right, let'sseewhatwehavegothere. Threepoundsofpotatoes.
Ohlook. These'reoldpotatoes. Ididsaynewpotatoes. These, thesearenogood.
Oh, I'msorry. Itdoesn'tmakemuchdifference.Yes, itdoes.
I'msorry. Well, actually, Icouldn't, Ididn'tseeanynewpotatoes.
Mm, alright. Whatarethese, onions?
Onions, yes.
Butthesearenotspringonions.
Oh, theyarenice, nicebigones, though, aren'tthey?
Yeah, butnotspringonions.
Oh, sorry. Ididn't, Ididn'treallyknowwhatspringonionswere.
Well, youknow, there'slongones ...
Oh, theyhaveallsorts. ... andthinones.
Right. Somebananas.
That, yeah, theyarefine. Great.
Good. Twopoundsofapples.
Cookingapples? Ididsaygoldendelicious. Look, theseareforcooking. Iwantedsomeforeating. Youknow, for ... ohwell ...
Ohwell, Ididn'tknow. Ithoughttheywoulddo. Theylooknice.
Mm, no.
Right. Abottleofwine. Riesling, OK?
Yeah, fine, great. That'sfine. Andsugarcubeshere. Great.
Yes, yes. OK.
Right. Nowtheydidn'thaveanyNescafeGoldBlend, soIgotMaxwellHouse. That'salltheyhad.
Alright, alright. Nevermind.
Yeah. Andoil.
ButnotSunfloweroil.
Icouldn'tseethat. Igotthis. Ithinkit'sgoodstuff, goodquality.
Yes, itisgood, butit'soliveoilandthat'snotwhatmyrecipewanted. IneedSunfloweroil.
Well, Idon'tthinkyou'llfindit. Andaloafofbread.
That'sfine. Allright. Well, IsupposeI'llhavetogooutmyselfagainthen.
Well, sorry, butIdon'tthinkit'smyfault. Mm.