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Perhapsyou'veheardmoneyisamajorstressorinromanticrelationships.
你可能听说过恋爱中钱是矛盾之源。
That'swhyitcanbeuncomfortable—orevenstrainrelationships—whenthewomaninaheterosexualrelationshipmakesmoremoney.
这就是为什么,女方赚钱更多会让人感觉不舒服,有时甚至会影响恋情。
Andwhentwopeopleinarelationshipcomefromdiametricallyoppositesocioeconomicbackgrounds, itraisesallsortsofdifficultconversationsabouthowyoushouldspendandearnmoney.
恋爱中两个人经济背景截然相反时,关于应该怎样花钱和赚钱会产生各种分歧。
Butasmorewomenearnmoreandwithmostwomenworkingfulltime, evenaftertheyhavechildren, somecoupleshaveoptedoutofatraditionalmarkerofmarriage: combinedfinances.
但随着越来越多的女性收入增加,而且大多数女性甚至生育之后也会全职工作,有些夫妻就脱离了传统的婚姻模式:财产合并。
Thesedays, youngcouples—whethertheyaremarriedorsimplylivingtogether—aremorelikelytokeeptheirfinancesseparate, oratleastpartiallyso.
现如今年轻夫妻无论是已婚的还是只同居的,都更有可能会把钱分开放,或者至少部分分开。
Twentyyearsago, whenWendyUnderwood, 43, marriedherhusbandKurtisKolt, 44, thecoupleopenedacreditcardtogether.
现在43岁的WendyUnderwood20年前嫁给了现在44岁的丈夫KurtisKolt,这对夫妻一起办了一张信用卡。
"Wethoughtthatwasthesortofthingmarriedpeopleshoulddo," shesays. "Welearnedprettyquicklythatwebothhadverydifferentapproachestomoney. Iwasbroughtuptobelieveyoudowithouteverythingtobeabletopayoffdebt. Myapproachtothatcreditcardwas, I'llhavebeansontoastforaweektomakesureIpayoffthatbalanceattheendofthemonth."
她说:“我们以为结了婚的人都该这样,但我们很快发现我们的金钱观很不一样。我从小就被教育要尽一切努力还清债务。我使用信用卡的方法是吃一周加豆的吐司也要确保月底时还清账单。”
Herhusband'soutlookwasmore "casual"—hewouldmakeapaymentbutdidn'tfeelcompelledtopaythefullamount.
而她丈夫的态度就更“随意”一点,他会还款,但觉得不需要勉强自己还清全部欠款。
Thatcardwasn'tinuseforlong. "Ifwehadkeptthatcreditcardandaddedallourfinancestogether, Ihonestlydon'tthinkwewouldstillbemarried," Underwoodsays. "Wejustsawveryquicklythatitwasabigsourceoftensionforus."
这张卡很久都没用了,Underwood说:“如果我们还用那张卡,把所有钱都放一起,说实话我觉得我们早就离婚了,我们只是很快发现了这是我们矛盾的主要根源。”
Itdidn'thelpthatatthetime, theywerebothyoung—intheirearlytwenties—andstilllearninghowtomanagetheirpersonalfinances.
当时他们都20岁刚出头,尽管还很年轻也没用,仍然在学着如何管理自己的个人财产。
Sotheycreatedanewaccountsolelytoholdmoneyforjointexpenseslikemortgagepaymentsandutilities.
所以他们开了一个新账户,只用于为按揭贷款和生活缴费这样的共同支出存钱。
Thecoupletracksthoseexpensesaloneinaspreadsheet. ("Thesecrettoahealthymarriageisspreadsheets," Underwoodquips.) Butwiththeexceptionofthosebig-ticketitems, theykeeptheirmoneyseparate.
这对夫妻在电子表格中单独跟踪这些费用,(Underwood开玩笑说:“健康婚姻的秘诀就是电子表格。”)但除了这些大额花销外,他们的钱是分开的。
Underwoodisquicktonotethatforher, maintainingseparatefinancesis "notasubstituteforbeingtransparent" whenitcomestofinances. "IcanhonestlysayI'veneverhiddenapurchasefrommyhusband, unlessitwasagiftforhim," shesays. "I'mnotsomeonewhohasgoneoutandblown $600 onapairofshoesandthenhidtheminthebackofthewardrobe."
Underwood很快注意到对她来说,涉及钱的问题时保持财务独立“并不影响财务透明”,她说:“我可以诚实地说我从未背着丈夫偷偷花钱,除非是给他买礼物。我不会出去花$600买一双鞋然后藏在衣柜最里面。”
OnereasonthearrangementhasworkedforUnderwoodandherhusbandisbecausetheyvaluethesamethings, fromtraveltogourmetfood.
对Underwood和她丈夫来说这个方法很有效的一个原因就是他们有共同的爱好,都喜欢旅行和美食。
It'safunctionofpersonalitiesandcircumstances, too: Underwoodandherhusbandarebothfiercelyindependentanddon'thavechildren.
这也受个性和家庭环境的影响:Underwood和她丈夫都非常独立,而且没有孩子。
"IthinkIworkreallyhardformymoney, andIdon'twantsomeoneelsetellingme, 'Youshouldreconsiderspendingonthisthing,'" shesays. "Idon'twantsomeonehavingthatmuchcontrolovermymoney."
她说:“我觉得自己为了赚钱真的很努力,我不想别人告诉我’买这个东西你还是再考虑考虑吧’,我不想别人太过干涉我的钱。”
Italsohelpsthattheyarebothself-employedandhavesimilarincomes. "IactuallydothinkitwouldbeharderifKurtiswasearningalotmoremoneythanme," shesays. "Thenwewouldhavetoadjustourapproach ... butIdothinkwewouldstillkeepourmoneyseparateandjustcomeupwithaworkaroundthatworksforbothofus."
还有一点也很重要,就是他们都是自由职业者,收入也差不多,她说:“我真的认为如果Kurtis比我赚得多很多的话,我们两个相处会更难,那样我们就得调整钱的分配方法了,但我的确觉得我们仍然会财务分开,只是会想出一个适合我们两个人的方法。”